STICKY PROBLEM

Its hard not to sympathise with the man from Newcastle, England who returned home and went straight to toilet after an evening of drunken merriment rounded off by a visit to an Indian restaurant. As a regular sufferer from haemorrhoids, the man assigned the pangs of pain in his backside to his familiar problem rather than the hot curry he had just eaten. Somewhat embarrassed by this recurring ailment, he had previously hidden the haemorrhoids cream in a cupboard below the bathroom sink and so as usual, he took out the tube and smeared the contents over the affected area. To his dismay, he realised that instead of relief, he found himself unable to withdraw his hand from between his buttocks. It was then that he took a look at the tube he had taken from the cupboard only to discover that he'd grabbed a tube of super-fast glue instead of haemorrhoids cream. As a result, he had firmly stuck his buttocks together with his hand in-between for good measure. Parties can be risky, but this experience would make any husband-to-be have second thoughts about holding a last bachelor celebration. At a ski resort in Austria, the stag party was in full, drunken swing when the participants took to the slopes for some night-time skiing. The so-called friends of the husband-to-be proceeded to tie him, naked, to a sledge and send him flying down the slope. Unbeknown to them, the bride-to-be's father was enjoying a relaxing stroll at the bottom of the same slope. Powerless to do anything other than shout "Get out of the way!", the naked sledger failed to attract the attention of the man who was soon to become his father-in-law. Instead, the sledge rammed into the man, killing him instantly. The wedding was replaced by a funeral - and the marriage was, unsurprisingly, called off.