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This story demonstrates that crime really doesn't pay. A young man was desperate to impress his girlfriend in the belief that impressing her would improve his chances of getting her into bed. One day, he came across a magazine article on aphrodisiac foods and decided that an elaborate meal might be the answer. He worked out a menu and went out to do some shoplifting. The oysters, asparagus and strawberries proved easy enough to steal, but lobster was proving to be a problem until the young man passed by a fish restaurant. Seeing a tank full of live lobsters, he entered the restaurant and when no one was looking, reached into the tank, pulled out a wriggling lobster and dropped it down his trousers. As he walked out of the restaurant, a sudden thought surfaced in the mind of the not-too-clever thief, but before he could act on it, he was doubled up on the floor, in agony. The lobster, in its panic, seized the nearest appendage with its large claw and as a result the thief was in no fit state to make his date that night. Indeed, he remained incapable of having sex for over five years and the wound never fully healed.

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