DRINK UP

A young boy went to stay at his grandparents' house one weekend. Waking in the middle of the night with a terrible thirst, he went downstairs to the kitchen. Half-asleep still, his eyes lit on what he took to be a bottle of homemade lemonade, a particular treat for him, as his grandmother used regularly to make a mean lemonade. It was only when he opened the bottle and took a deep swig that he realised his error. The bottle was actually his grandfather's phlegm jar, in which the old man would relieve a particularly nasty lung infection. Still, as the boy picked a long, stringy piece of crouton-like phlegm from his mouth, at least we may be certain that the midnight thirst was not the main thing bothering him any more.

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